Are u high??

Well despite my previous post I was on drugs today. Legitimate drugs that is, as in painkillers. I am like I've stated before the clumsiest person ever. This post should prove that statement.

The painkillers is for the pain of the (2nd degree?) burns I managed to get on my left hand and part of my right arm after somehow knocking over boiling water all over me last night while making pasta. Luckily I was wearing a thick cardigan on top which saved most of me from the water. At first the pain wasn't too bad. I rinsed the burns under cold water and then went to bed with cold wet socks wrapped around them. The worst pain came during the night. Despite the drenched cold socks it felt like my hand was on fire and I couldn't put it out. I have a high tolerance for pain but this hurt.

So this morning since it still hurt I popped one of my painkillers saved from the last time I was clumsy. That time I was up on a table adjusting a curtain at work, jumped down from said table and managed to somehow land weirdly rupturing a muscle in my thigh causing it to bleed from the inside. Now that was pain like you wouldn't believe. I was on the couch of my job crying in agony before one of my colleagues drove me to the hospital. That time I took two pills at once and was high higher highest the entire time. Those pills were my best friend at the time cause seriously, PAIN.

Today I settled for one which only takes the pain away while keeps me sane enough to keep working. Just makes me a bit slow in the head. After work I actually walked up to the wrong house on the way home. I did realise my mistake before I tried my key in the wrong door though. That would have been a teeny tiny bit awkward...

Changing the subject. A is away for the week. Snowboarding in Austria with his friends and while that sounds like fun I'm actually glad I'm not with him. I need some time to breathe and sort out what I'm doing. Why is it that whenever I'm with him things feel good and the last few days I've found myself thinking maybe I wouldn't mind beeing his "official" girlfriend?? But then when I'm by myself the panic starts and I just think that it's too soon and I kinda freak out. Do I or don't I? I'm so fucked up when it comes to boys. I do know that I like him. A lot actually. But then at the back of my mind I have that little voice telling me not to like him too much cause then there's a chance of getting hurt...

Is there a pill to take that sorts out fucked up minds like mine?