Bruised, sore, in pain and couldn't be happier??

Yeah, that title doesn't really make sense at first but it will, I promise.

So, why am I all bruised yet happy?? Let's look at the possible reasons shall we;

1. My boyfriend has turned into an abusive ass and for some reason I like the pain.
2. I got hurt while robbing a bank but the bruises are worth it as I'm now filthy rich.
3. I'm performing a lot of crazy stunt moves in the next Blockbuster film with Johnny Depp and am therefore looking forward to all the fame coming my way.
4. I have gotten myself addicted to pole dancing.

....???

Well luckily it's not number 1 as abusive boyfriends make my blood boil. Although, after having seen one of my family members been through this first hand despite her being a really strong person has shown me that no one is immune to this crap. Still, my boyfriend is far too amazing to ever hurt me so this option is not possible.

Option number 2 is just plain silly. I would never get away with it so instead of being filthy rich, I'd have to spend my time as someone's new favourite prison bitch. Let's scrap this option off the list.

3...yeah, I'd get famous and invited to all the crazy Hollywood shindigs but happy?? How many Hollywood celebs actually seem that happy? I'd end up shaving my hair, beating up the paparazzi with my umbrella, feature in my home made sex tape and end up making a fool out of myself in yet another MTV show where I show my vajay every chance I get.

So, I guess that leave us with number 4. Yep, I'm addicted to pole dancing. 

I really hope everyone that reads this doesn't immediately associate pole dancing with me having become a stripper (I haven't!!!). Hopefully you will have seen some of the amazing people in this business doing this as a competitive sport so that you can see how absolutely incredible they are and how much strength it takes to do these moves. If not, Youtube 'BEST Pole Dance Ever by Jenyne Butterfly 2011', this will show what I mean.

Anyway, I've been doing one class a week for almost 8 weeks now and I'm already hooked. I can see my muscles getting more defined and I'm getting slimmer but more importantly, I'm getting so much stronger. In my first lesson we were supposed to just grip the pole both hands and lift our legs off the floor so we're just holding our body up with our arms. I slid down in one second and it didn't matter what I did, I just could not hold myself up, it was pathetic. Now, I'm climbing the pole, gripping with both hands and swinging my legs forwards and backwards as a warm up no problem and I've even started working on the upside down stuff! Seeing the progress is amazing and it's so much fun!!

The one downside is as the title says, I'm getting bruises absolutely everywhere. Good thing it's not bikini season, otherwise people would think boyfriend actually does beat me up! But, the bruises are a small price to pay and I usually get them when I'm trying to learn a move and doing it wrong over and over again so the better I get, hopefully the lesser bruises I'll get. I'm even going to up it to 2 lessons a week with my second one tonight just because of the withdrawal I'm getting from just going Wednesdays, it just aint enough!

Now how do I convince boyfriend that we really really need to get a pole for the living room.....?

...nah, just kidding. With my luck, I'd accidentally knock over his precious TV and have to flee the country. Without a job and a home, I'd have no choice but to actually get a job in a strip club where granted, my new skills would go a long way but I think I'll skip that and stick to keeping my new hobby in the gym.

Sex - Sex - Sex

I wrote Ta at the end of my previous post, getting British by the minute ey?

Although I will admit to having embraced some of the English traits (such as enjoying baked beans in tomato sauce with my fry up brekkie), there are some aspects to England and the English way that I will probably just never agree with or understand. For example:

The 'water shed' - The number of times I've turned the TV on and gotten all exited about finding a particularly good episode of a show or a movie showing only to suddenly realise that all the violence, the gory and bloody fights, the foul language and the steamy sex scenes have been CUT!!! What's the point of watching Buffy without the blood sucking vampires and fighting or Sex and The City without the Sex?? Basically, watching TV before 9 is a complete waste of time in this country. All because the parents wants to spare their kids the horrible ordeal of coming across a nipple or some blood. I wonder what they'll do when they find out about that world wide phenomenon called the Internet... Bloody do some parenting yourself and control what your kids watch and let the rest of us enjoy the TV the way it was intended- with drugs, sex and rock'n roll.

Now it's a common fact that Brits are perceived as being a bit uptight and I have to agree. For me it gets especially obvious as I'm from Sweden (where we all know that all gorgeous blond and blue-eyed girls wear nothing but a bikini while riding a polar bear through town) where sex is much more main stream. What do I base this on?

1. We have proper sex education which for my class involved watching the movie KIDS (imdb: about an amoral, ignorant HIV-positive skateboarder that sets out to deflower as many virgins as possible while a local girl who contracted his disease tries to save his next target from her same fate) featuring a lot of sex and naked bodies. This would have been an 18 rated movie in the UK and we watched it as part of sexED in the 7th grade. Really good movie that served the purpose.

2. We are more open about the female sexuality. When I was in college, a Swedish equivalent to Cosmopolitan magazine came out with this campaign called 'Masturbate more'. They produced t-shirts and everything that people (including one of my closest friends) wore proudly. They had a masturbation challenge which basically asked you to try and break your own (or others) record for how many times you could come in a day by yourself. You might think this is a bit weird but this really did a lot of good as too often we are told that women just don't touch themselves in that way. Boys on the other hand have their hand on their penis since baby time and seem to never let go and that is perfectly acceptable for people. Can you imagine such a campaign being acceptable on in the UK?? People would choke on their tea and there'd be mass protests.

3. Our state owned pharmacy received requests to introduce dildos into their stores and so they did. In between your usual pharmacy stuff such as paracetamol, nose sprays and cough medicine, you can now also find an assorted selected of dildos to help keep the flu away, awesome!

See reading this kinda makes me miss my home country a bit...but despite England's flaws in the sexuality area, I still love it. Besides, there's quite a few Swedes in this country and we'll just have to try and break down the sexual barriers one by one until even the Queen confesses to masturbating at least once a day!

By the way, decided against deleting. It had too many memories I wanted to keep!

Delete or not to delete...

Hmm...just re-read all my posts and realised I'm actually quite funny, who knew!?

I'm considering taking this blog up again to have an outlet for all my craziness but I can't decide weather or not to remove all previous posts before kicking off again...

This is the same problem I used to have when writing in my diary when I was a kid. I would have a few good weeks of making loads of entries in my diary and then forget about it for weeks/months. When the urge to write again came back, I would tear out all old pages first as I felt bad about the gap of no writing and start fresh. This is why I have no saved diaries from my childhood that I can go back and read (and cringe about) which I think is quite sad. At the same time, it doesn't stop me from wanting to hit the delete button on all my previous posts now...clearly I have issues and have not evolved in the slightest since being a child. Good to know nothing changes.

Oh yeah, still in London, still with my amazing A that I now live with as well. At the same company but got promoted (yej!!) and studying a Marketing qualification at the same time. There we go, the mandatory update complete and you can all rest easily again.

Ta.